A Song of Ice and Lolz

"They say it’s not great to have children in threes because one kid always winds up feeling left out. Could you imagine if your siblings were twins and fucking? Talk about a third wheel. "

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Posts tagged "Littlefinger"

Recap: Season Four, Episode Four


“It’s rape! Rape! Rape is number two. It’s murder - then rape. It’s number two. Like, the United States - we wanna capture Osama Bin Ladin and murder him. We don’t wanna rape him! That would be barbaric.” - Chris Rock

Missandei Lessons!

Grey Worm is reading the beginning of his memoir (finish it Grey Worm! I want to read it!) in the Common Tongue, with Missandei correcting his pronunciation and they’re both being great.
Grey Worm. “So Missandei, let’s find out more about you, what’s your back story? What are you all about?” 
Missandei, “Well I as born on an island and taken from my parents and sold into slavery when I was 5 years old.”
Grey Worm, “That’s very sad, do you remember your home?”
Missandei, “I remember a beautiful beach, and my home burning from the people who invaded it. What about you? What is your back story?”
Grey Worm, “Unsullied. Always Unsullied, before Unsullied, nothing.”
Missandei, very passionately, “That’s not true.”
Everyone, “Whoa, did I get invested in this relationship quickly!”
Missandei, “You can go back to the Summer Isles one day!”
Grey Worm, “I don’t want to, I’m on a mission of revenge.”
Missandei, “Kill the masters.”
Grey Worm, “Kill the masters.”
And they look intensely in each others’ eyes.
Everyone, “Can the entire episode be you two?”
Grey Worm, “Missandei is a great teacher.”
Everyone, “Yes, we should all be so lucky.”
Daenerys, “I hate to break this up, but Mereen’s not gonna sack itself.”

The Unsullied, under cover as slaves, sneak into Mereen.
(In the books, I remember there being a lot of talk of shit. Leaving that out is a change I fully approve of, and I am kinda shocked they showed any restraint at all.)

Slave HQ!
Slave 1, “She is a White Savior! Here to free us! We are very important props in the journey of her self actualization. So let’s help her out and all decide to be free!”
Slave 2, “We aren’t slaves by choice. The masters straight up murdered 163 children. Like, children, dude. These guys do not give a fuuuuuck. They will destroy all of our asses.”
Slave 1, “Counter point: Slavery sucks.”
Slave 3, “Counter-counter point: I’ve lived through two revolts, and they always end with the status quo intact and a bunch of dead slaves.”
Grey Worm, “Well maybe third time’s a charm?”
Everyone, “What a sexy entrance! Grey Worm you are crushing it this episode.”
Grey Worm, “Thank you. FYI, Freedom is great.”
Slave 3, “Yeah, we surmised that. We are just a little concerned about not being alive anymore. Because we’ll be murdered.”
Grey Worm, “I used to be a slave like you, now I am Team Daenerys, and the pay isn’t necessarily better, but quality of life has definitely improved. I kinda have a girlfriend.”
Slave 3, “That sounds wonderful, you seem like the best. But you’ve been trained to fight your whole life. We have no training and no weapons. Our computers don’t even connect to the internet.”
Grey Worm, “I can help you with one of those.”
And then they all dump bags of swords on the ground.
Grey Worm, “There are three slaves for every master, no one can give you your freedom. If you want it, you must take it.”
Everyone, “Grey Worm,  seriously crushing it.”
Grey Worm:

Streets of Mereen!
A Master is walking through the street and sees some not so subtle graffiti.
And then the slaves:
And then we get more uncomfortable racial politics with everyone shouting “Myhsa” at Daenerys, cause that’s not weird. She walks to the top of her newly conquered city and looks out over her newly freed people. 
Daenerys, “Grey Worm, thanks for pretending to be a slave.”
Grey Worm:
Daenerys, “Remind me, Ser Jorah, how many children did the masters murder?”
Jorah, “163.”
Daenerys, “It was a rhetorical question, Jorah, but thank you.”
Barristan, “Your Grace, may I have a word?”
Daenerys, “Ugh, I’m kinda doing this whole “conquering hero” thing right now, fine alright.”
Barristan, “With great power comes great responsibility.”
Daenerys, “What does that mean?”
Barristan, “The city is yours, all these people are your subjects now, even the assholes. Sometimes it is better to answer injustice with mercy.”
Daenerys, “I will answer injustice with justice.”
Barristan, “Madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin.”
Daenerys, “What was that? I can’t hear you over these people I’m crucifying.”
Barristan, “Aaaannnd there goes another one.”
Then there’s a lot of incredibly violent shots of people being crucified, and it’s just like, Daenerys, remember when you were so horrified by that Slaver’s Walk and gave that dude water? Now you are the person making a walk like that! Get it together girl! And then the camera pulls out to show her looking over her new city and then pulls up to reveal her giant punk rock Targaryen flag:
Everyone, “REALLY hope you know what you are doing lady.”
Daenerys, “Ehhh, I’ll wing it. It’ll be fine.”

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Recap: Episode 3, Season 2

Previously: Reshuffling of the cabinet, Infanticide (again), No Robb, Greyjoy weirdness, Unconsummated sex between siblings, Gendry being the best character in the history of ever, Discussions of how you shit when you die, Sam getting a crush, Theon getting denied, Just generally complicated sexual politics, etc.

Picking up right where we left off, Craster drags Jon into his house waking everyone up in the middle of the night and unceremoniously kicking the Night’s Watch from his incest compound.
Craster, “I am very upset with Jon right now! I thought we had something! There’s no way a feeling that intense was one-sided! I had all these fantasies! He was going to stay here and we were going to raise my daughter/wives together! But it turns out he’s a snooping good for nothing! l feel more betrayed than Rachael Leigh Cooke when she found out Freddie Prinze Jr. was just pretending to date her to win a bet!”
Jon, “Sexily spits blood out of his mouth.” How does being covered in open wounds make you more attractive Kit Harrington? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?image

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