A Song of Ice and Lolz
"They say it’s not great to have children in threes because one kid always winds up feeling left out. Could you imagine if your siblings were twins and fucking? Talk about a third wheel. "
Contact: asongoficeandlolz@gmail.com
Recap: Season 2 Episode 9
Previously: Duffel bags full of daggers, Jaime and Brienne roadtripping, Ros getting the short end of the stick yet again, Failed attempt at assassinating Tywin Lannister, Successful attempt at assassinating a bunch of guards, Qhorin losing his hat, The complete rewriting of the Arya, Robb and Catelyn characters, Meeting the Lord of Bones, Jon becoming a secret double agent, Everyone being called a cunt, Me: 
Etc.
This is it guys! 
Right upfront: This. This is television so good it surpasses television. Let’s stop fucking around and just submit this shit to the Oscars. (They have what? 15 best picture nominees now? One could be a television episode. Who’s gonna argue? It’s a little late for them to squabble about the rules.) Peter Dinklage should be nominated for and win an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor (which he can only lose to Matthew McConaughey for Magic Mike.)
Boats!
Davos is standing on a deck looking out at the fuck ton of boats that Stannis has at his disposal. All the sailors on the ships are mentally preparing themselves for battle, looking how I look before a big test. One guy gets up and vomits. Which, dude! That’d be me! (Also is that a barrel filled with just vomit?? Why would you have that?)
Stannis is preternaturally calm:
Matthos, “The wind is against us.”
Davos, “It will blow us to King’s Landing.”
Matthos, “You excited to go home?”
Davos, “I haven’t thought of King’s Landing as home in 20 years. It’s more a place I lived that one time. What’s weird is I’m still not used to wearing my captain’s hat vs. my pirate’s hat. I spent most of my life dodging the royal fleet.”
Matthos, “Uhh correction: This is the royal fleet and you are the high captain.”
Davos, “Well, I am one of many captains of many royal fleets.”
Matthos, “Not for long. After tonight, Stannis is going to be king and you’ll be his hand.”
Davos, “Gods willing.”
Matthos, “There is only the creepy red god!”
Davos, “Yeah, I know all about your weirdo god.”
Matthos, “But everybody in King’s Landing and the audience wants us to kill Joffrey.”
Davos, “Right but to do that we first have to win this battle. One step at a time.”
Matthos, “But our army outnumbers them 5-1!!!”
Davos, “But war is chaos and who knows what tricks Tyrion has up his sleeve. Add to that the fact that the walls of King’s Landing have never been breached and they won’t see us as liberators so much as people coming to set their shit on fire and this is going to get pretty complicated.”
Matthos, “I trust you and I love you.”
Davos, “That is super sweet.”
And Salladhor Saan prepares all his boats:
Anonymous Asks:
asongoficeandlolz Said:
1. I think I’m going to have to go with Tyra. It’s simple yet funny in a way I’d feel they’d both make fun of publicly but privately approve of. Although Arwin Lannistark might be my new favorite name for anything ever. I’m going to get a pet just so I can name them that.
2. I’m so obsessed with all my followers and their amazing questions.
Anonymous Asks:
asongoficeandlolz Said:
Tywin you sly little minx! That’s very interesting!! I mean I wouldn’t put it past him, he is Cersei’s father. She comes by her ruthless self-preservation honestly.
And I am so super excited for Tywin to find out it was Arya!!! I hope it happens next episode so we don’t have to wait a full season for it. I’m imaging his reaction will be a combination of this, mixed with a little this and maybe starts off as this but then eventually becomes this with a side of this and finally this.
